----------- Kayle Garkut's Blog ----------- Allotment - Computing - Music & Misc.

Labels: Computing, Humour, Video, Wii

As if faking competitions, ignoring childrens suggested pet names and generally mis-leading the public is not enough, the BBC have now turned anti-christian by publically calling the Bible 'bile'.

See for yourself a cropped screencapture here:


or a full screencapture here:

(click for bigger)

Labels: Humour, News

May the 4th be with you.



:)




Joke courtesy of Darren.

Labels: Humour

Found these and thought they were quite funny:

Get Your Cyborg Name

Get Your Monster Name

Get Your Sexy Name

Labels: Humour, Misc

b3ta ran an image competition the other week to find an alternative use for the Millennium dome.

Here are three of my entries:

Labels: Graphics, Humour

OK - enough is enough, this has to stop.

All the spam I receive lately seems to be focussed on one thing only - weight loss via magic pills!

Here is a list of genuine subject lines that I found mildly ammusing with my favourite 'top 5' at the bottom:

Achieve picture perfect weight and enjoy life.
A simple and safe way to weigh less.
Be leaner and slimmer by next week.
BE like a normal MAN.
Become fit and happy again.
Check out the wonders of pound melting.
Get rid of extra pounds and enjoy life.
Get rid of the pounds you hate.
Getting thinner can be enjoyable.
Get thinner, feel better.
Get more energy and get rid of fat.
Healthy living with less fat.
Join the thousands of people who got slim.
Keep weight off and enjoy life!
Less weight - more pleasure and joy.
Lean and mean is in.
Look in the mirror and enjoy the new you.
Melt away pounds with Anatrim.
Melt away fat easily.
Natural way to better weight.
Never be shy to take your shirt off again!
Not comfortable with your weight?
Obesity is dangerous, stop it.
Organic way to eat less and feel better.
Pounds down, mood up.
Reinvent yourself as being slim.
Say goodbye to extra pounds.
Seeking to stop your weight gains?
Shed weight now and enjoy the process.
Started buying bigger clothes recently?
Stop gaining weight before it is too late.
Stop being obese and unhappy.
Stop being a food addict!
Thinking you eat too much?
This blend will help you get thinner.
Try the new weight loss herb.
Watch your body change with Anatrim.
Women will love your new figure.
Your extra pounds are not in fact you.
Your food cravings can be combated.
You'll love the new, non-obese you.


Top 5:

1. Stop the painful craving for more food.
2. Make your fat friends envy you.
3. Get out of the obese crowd.
4. End the annoying obesity now.
5. One chin is enough - get rid of the rest!


It's a good job I'm not a gullible person with low self esteem. For if I were, I could be in danger of actually buying some of these placebo's.

Labels: Computing, Humour

Very funny read:

The Truth Seeker - May I Quote You, Mr. President?

Labels: Humour

Louise found this rather amusingly named drink in our local KwikSave store :)


(Click for larger view)




Please note:
The stars in the 'OO' as if they are covering something up?
The base of the drink resembles the areole (come on, use your imagination here).
And the word 'PASTEURISED' (as in milk?)


Coincedance? I think not. lol!

Labels: Humour, Photos

This really confused me today.

I was looking through my FHM desktop calendar for the coming weeks er.. Facts (as you do) and noticed that the next few days are all Tuesdays!

See below.


(Click for larger view)

Labels: Humour, Misc, Photos

Getting into my car after it has been to a garage for an MOT and having to:...

1. Remove the plastic from the seat that is obviously put there to stop the seat from getting oily. Why leave it there for my back to get oily?

2. Remove the newspaper from the floor that always seems to have some young girl from Essex exposing her assets for the world and its wife to see.

3. Adjust the seat - fair enough, not everyones legs are the same length as mine.

4. Adjust the temperature and blowers - maybe the the mechanic was cold?

5. Change the radio station back to the one I listen to - Change the bloody radio station! What the hell were they doing? Joyriding my car around town all lunchtime with the windows down blasting this 'hip' radio station out or what ?!?!

I'm fairly certain it's not compulsory to make sure the cars radio can be tuned into 'Galaxy 101' to pass it's MOT.

I can just see it now.... "Your car failed the MOT because we could'nt tune in to our favourite station. It'll cost you [strokes chin, shakes head and sucks in air] .... £100." As every visit to the garage does.



Rant over.

Labels: Car, Humour

A man walks into a butchers and says "A Pound of sausages please."
The butcher replies "It's Kilos now."
So the man says "Oh. A Pound of Kilos then please."

:-)

Labels: Humour

Labels: Graphics, Humour

Me being silly for the company blog!

Labels: Family, Humour, Photos

Lifted from The Times Online (video link on bottom of post):

BBC falls for 'expert' cabbie's banter
By Jack Malvern

The driver was interviewed on TV after being mistaken for a specialist on music downloading IT WAS not until midway through the live television interview that the BBC interviewer started to grow suspicious. The man whom she believed to be an expert on internet music downloads seemed to know precious little about his subject. Not only that, but the stocky black man with the strong French accent bore little resemblance to the picture on the expert’s website, which showed a slim white man with blue eyes and blond hair.
The corporation’s News 24 channel apologised to its viewers yesterday and admitted that its interviewee was not Guy Kewney, the respected editor of Newswireless.net, but a local taxi driver.

The cabbie, who is better qualified to talk about traffic jams in Shepherds Bush, answered questions for several minutes on Apple Computer’s victory at the High Court against Apple Corps, the record label for the Beatles, The Times has learnt.
Karen Bowerman, the BBC’s consumer affairs correspondent, asked the driver what the implications were for Apple Computer, which is allowed to continue using its name and symbol for its iTunes music download service. He gave a rambling answer about how people would be able to download songs at internet cafés.
Ms Bowerman was nonplussed, but persisted. What about Apple? I don’t know, the driver replied. I’m not at all sure what I’m doing here.
It later emerged that the driver had been waiting for a client at the BBC Television Centre in West London, when a studio manager mistook him for the expert.
Confused but co-operative, he agreed to follow the manager to a studio, where he was promptly fitted with a microphone and placed in front of a camera.
Mr Kewney, meanwhile, was still waiting in reception when he saw the taxi driver being introduced under his name. Anybody would have been fascinated to see me introduced live on air, as the expert witness in the studio, he wrote on his weblog. Me? Not fascinated; astonished! What would you feel, if, while you were sitting in that rather chilly reception area, you suddenly saw yourself not sitting in reception, but live, on TV? He added that it was especially surprising because the man, who spoke with a French accent, looked nothing like him. I’m not black. I’m not-black on a startling scale; I’m fair-haired, blue-eyed, prominent-nosed, and with the sort of pale skin that makes my dermatologist wince each time I complain about an itchy mole.
He was amused at first, but realised that anyone watching would think he knew next to nothing about Apple Computer, online music or The Beatles.
When the driver was asked how the interview went, he replied: Well, it was OK, but I was a bit rushed.

He had been waiting at reception when the studio manager arrived to ask for Mr Kewney. The driver, whose visitor’s badge was marked with Mr Kewney’s name, raised his hand. According to Mr Kewney, the stage manager said: To be honest, I did think it couldn’t be you. I mean, I’ve seen your picture on your website, and he didn’t look like you. So I asked him who he was, and he said, ‘Guy Kewney’ and I said, ‘Are you really Guy Kewney?’ and he said, ‘Yes’.
The driver’s sang-froid slipped only when Ms Bowerman introduced him. In a video clip, which BBC staff can access through the corporation’s Jupiter cuttings system, a moment of realisation flashes across the man’s face. Unfortunately we did make a mistake and the wrong guest was briefly interviewed on air before we cut to our reporter, a spokeswoman said. We apologise to viewers for any confusion.

It is not the first time that the BBC has been embarrassed by a case of mistaken identity. Last year Rhodri Morgan, the First Minister of Wales, was mistaken for a cast member of Doctor Who when he was due to appear on the BBC Wales political show Dragon’s Eye.

You can watch this great clip here.

Labels: Humour, News, Video

Great link here to some 'babes' who react to your commands!

A couple of things to try are: 'jump, dance, etc' its upto you to find some hot commands..
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Spoiler...

By the powers of reverse engineering using a little program called 'SWF Decompiler' I am able to reveal all the commands available!. If you dont want to see them, then look away now...
For those of you who cant be bothered to find them out for yourself then scroll down!
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"wave", "hello", "greetings", "hi", "wotcha", "howdy", "jump", "leap", "hop", "skip", "bounce", "totter", "heels", "run", "heels", "dolly", "panic", "flee", "tickle", "excite", "play", "fiddle", "laugh", "giggle", "chuckle", "happy", "laughter", "smile", "cry", "sob", "upset", "unhappy", "mewl", "bitch", "beg", "beg like a dog", "dog", "doggy", "hound", "bitch", "canine", "heat", "pant", "monty python", "monty", "python", "crush", "squish", "squash", "trample", "die", "kill", "murder", "girl", "sandwich", "threesome", "cuddle", "huddle", "group", "hug", "roast", "robot", "cyborg", "machine", "robotics", "computer", "suck", "lick", "finger", "plum", "plums", "lollypop", "sweet", "candy", "lollypops", "sweets", "pout", "mouth", "lips", "love", "jiggle", "shake", "wiggle", "gyrate", "flip", "bird", "minging", "ugly", "ripper", "hooker", "munter", "moose", "whore", "screw", "swear", "slag", "flirt", "prick", "tease", "smoulder", "sexy", "come", "want", "muscle", "strong", "flex", "muscleman", "iron", "man", "strength", "bulge", "funny", "silly", "dance", "david", "brent", "boogie", "office", "groove", "party", "lap", "leg", "balance", "stand", "over", "trip", "stumble", "fall", "collapse", "accident", "angry", "smash", "camera", "violence", "aggressive", "punch", "hit", "knock", "violent", "break", "shatter", "cleavage", "squeeze", "juicy", "fight", "tug", "war", "pull", "chicken", "hen", "peck", "wedgie", "camel", "toe", "hoof", "joke", "growler", "fanny", "punani", "revenge", "minge", "splits", "acrobat", "bendy", "agile", "contest", "arm", "wrestle", "change", "tyre", "fix", "flat", "wheel", "mend", "repair", "pissed", "drunk", "legless", "booze", "alcohol", "steaming", "wasted", "bolloxed", "chav", "asbo", "drink", "spank", "punish", "naughty", "kinky", "peach", "slap", "bad", "pat", "kiss", "snog", "make", "frenchie", "french", "tongue", "gay", "lesbian", "bum", "arse", "ass", "hotpants", "shorts", "hot", "pants", "behind", "sugar", "exhaust", "keys", "drop", "saucy", "bend", "stoop", "sauciness", "breast", "massage", "feel", "fondle", "grope", "boobs", "undress", "flash", "melons", "jugs", "kit", "tits", "bra", "hooter", "hooters", "orgasm", "cum", "climax", "moan", "writhe", "car", "hammer", "total", "wreck", "destroy", "scrap", "smash", "attack", "crash", "news", "paper", "easy", "read", "relax", "page", "3", "fuck", "shag", "back", "seat", "get it on", "love", "bang", "dirty", "drive", "sex", "banana", "fruit", "job", "blow", "hummer", "head", "taste", "dick", "chew", "bite", "stocking", "lingerie", "underwear", "angel", "suspenders", "knickers", "strip", "fashion", "slave", "groom", "spread", "flange", "wax", "detail", "bonnet", "hood", "fender", "polish", "shine", "shammy", "headlight", "bumper", "plate", "buff", "lather", "soap", "bubbles", "bubbly", "suds", "bucket", "sponge", "wash", "clean", "rinse", "valet", "wing", "mirror", "titwank", "wank", "wet", "shirt", "competition", "spray", "soak", "tim", "watering", "tee", "rub", "slick", "baby", "oil", "water", "pistol", "shower", "spray", "pose", "display", "sexy", "fit", "yoga", "pilates", "stretch", "exercise", "gym", "bootie", "shake", "grind", "work", "legs", "thighs", "lube", "extra", "funbags", "bury", "dyke", "puppies", "airbags", "airbag", "nuzzle", "photo", "snap", "model", "shoot", "lens", "lense", "glamour", "picture", "perform", "beach", "ball", "pig", "middle", "throw", "catch", "limbo", "lads", "floor", "pussy", "open", "boot", "herbie", "alive", "scare", "randy", "lucky", "auto", "foam", "soapy", "cheeky", "minx", "naked", "cherry", "cherries", "feed", "munch", "sauce", "give", "number", "write", "date", "fancy", "top", "gear", "jeremy", "clarkson", "magazine", "letch", "perv", "harass", "stalk", "stalker", "dildo", "cunt", "anal", "dildo", "penis", "piss", "shit", "golden", "Wave", "Jump", "Run", "Tickle", "Laugh", "Cry", "Beg", "Python", "Sandwich", "Robot", "Finger", "Candy", "Pout", "Jiggle", "Flip", "Flirt", "Muscle", "Dance", "Oneleg", "Fall", "Angry", "Cleavage", "Fight", "Chicken", "Camel", "Wedgie", "Splits", "Contest", "Fix", "Drunk", "Spank", "Spank2", "Kiss", "Bum", "Keys", "Breast", "BoobsAli", "BoobsJenna", "BoobsKarina", "Climax", "Hammer", "Relax", "Shag", "Banana", "CatwalkAli", "CatwalkJenna", "CatwalkKarina", "Slave", "Wax", "Polish", "Soap", "Washcar", "Wingmirror", "Wetshirt", "Oil", "oil", "Pistols", "Pose", "Yoga", "Bootie", "Thighs", "Funbags", "PhotoAli", "PhotoJenna", "PhotoKarina", "Ball", "Limbo", "Pussy", "Herbie", "Foam", "Cherry", "Number", "Topgear", "Rude"

Labels: Humour